[phoenixtxdotcom]

There is a post up on reddit right now about a man's girlfriend of over 3 years, whom he suspects to be transexual. He found Progyvana in the bathroom and then searched her computer, finding a "letter from the state department (the passport issuers) clearly stating that she would need to have her surgery before changing her gender on her passport."

Considering the odd state department letter (email? really? I am a little doubtful) and the fact that they have been having sex for years without him noticing, I'm calling bullshit. If they were having sex without him noticing male genitalia, she's already post-op. So, that would have to make that odd letter awfully old (he says he suspects she had it done about a year before they got together, so 4.5-5 years ago), or... it doesn't exist.

The redditor says they've been talking of marriage, which brings up another point. Children never came up at all? I mean, it happens, but to be honest, those people are kind of idiots and shooting themselves in the foot. Which, who knows, maybe that's the kind of people this guy and his girlfriend are.

Anyway. He's likely trolling, but I'm going to ignore that for now. What bothers me is the reactions of the commentors. I realize I am more liberal than the general population, but the thread was somewhat upsetting to me, though not surprising in the least.

Finding out a friend/lover is trans would not send me into a tailspin. So they were born a different biological sex, big deal. You love someone for the person that they are, not the genitalia that they were born with. The girlfriend of the above redditor has had surgery, and appears to have normal female genitalia. (Surgery really is good these days; unless you're a gynocologist, it's pretty hard to tell).

Anyway. Many people say to immediately dump her. Some cite the reason that you cannot trust her anymore. The logic goes, "if she lied about this, then she must have lied about everything in her past." This doesn't make sense to me; I can tell a story from when I am young without necessarily inserting my gender into the situation.

Some supportive parents of transexuals try very hard to refer to the person by their chosen name and gender, and to not display old photos that show the person's sex. Does that make everyone involved liars?

Anyway, I find it disgusting the way people are reacting. To me, it seems like many of the people are considering transwomen still inherantly men, and are grossed out by the thought of having sex with a guy. This extends into the fact that some feel that even in one night stands a transwoman should reveal she is trans. This seems ridiculus, considering 1) it's a one-time thing, hurting no one, and 2) transwomen can face a lot of violence simply for being trans. It does not seem especially safe to go around telling men (many who are probably like these reddit commentators) their history.  In a relationship, yes, telling them at some point is vital, most definitely before a wedding or other commitment ceremony.

One man said he would irate if he had sex with someone who "misrepresented their gender." Only thing is, they are not doing that. That goes back to the idea that "born a man, always a man." If she is mentally a woman, and has a vagina to boot, how is that a gender misrepresentation?

One immature poster lumped drag queens, transexuals, and transvestites all together in the same category, and claimed that he is able to "distinguish the truth below" and that his natural reaction is "EW GET AWAY." Disgusting.

Then there are the blowhards that believe if they saw a reconstructed vulva, they would be able to "tell instantly." You have to wonder if those people have only seen neat and tidy porn vulva. Fun fact: there is a ton of natural variation in female genitalia.

Considering the bulk of reddit is college-educated adults, I'm disappointed. Thankfully, the top comment is from a transwoman and is reasonable and articulate. There are almost always open-minded people on reddit; it just saddens me to see so many close-minded people.