the pretty things are going to hell

our car becomes more ghetto by the day. a list of things wrong with it, written by my husband:

• The rear driver-side crumple zone is crushed about an inch, so the trunk doesn’t line up with the panel, and the panel is pushed into the back of the door… so the back door doesn’t open without scraping.
• Since replacing the radiator, the transmission fluid line leaks a quart of fluid every couple hundred miles. The transmission fluid ends up on the front driver-side wheel, flinging it all over the side of the car (door handle included). It also gets on the brake, causing it to billow smoke when hot.
• Click click click click click… valves! (or is it “tick tick tick” ?)
• The engine misfires intermittently. It got really bad until I replaced the plugs and wires, but now it’s creeping back.
• The power locks don’t work 99% of the time, except when least expected, unlocking all four doors, which then must be locked manually.
• The driver-side front hubcap is missing. It fell off somewhere along a 5 mile drive, but we couldn’t find it 15 minutes later.
• One of the dash lights is out, so the fuel light and speedometer up to about 30mph is only slightly visible at night.
• A bag of frozen raspberries was left in the back seat. It stayed there until the next day, with a high around 100 degrees. There’s a nice “blood stain.” I just hope it doesn’t grow mold.
• There are a few chips in the windshield that look ready to grow into a nice crack.
• One nice dent in the hood from a van’s rear door.
• One little hex-shaped hole in the back bumper.
• As any Saturn, it burns a ton of oil.

also, it smells funny and the cd player doesn’t work so well…