look at the wristband i bought today, i love it!  anyway, not a whole lot went on today.  megan, jim, and kyle all crashed at my house for a while, and we ate way too much food, and watched dogma.  that movie is pretty good, even though the whole catholic-bashing thing bothered me a tich.  it took us forever to decide to just come over here, though.  i wanted to go to st. cloud and do something, anything.  i just wanted to get out of town for a while.  no dice, though - megan wanted to just eat and rent a movie, since she was tired after working.

i'm changing subtley, and i don't understand it.  my taste in clothes has changed slightly, i've bought a black choker, and now that wristband...  i've had the black nail polish for a while, however.  i'm not sure when i'll wear the choker or wristband in front of my parents - probably not for a while yet.  then, there's my taste in music that is shifting.  granted, this is probably only a temporary thing.  but instead of alanis, or mbt, or darren hayes, guess what my favorite cd is?  it's the mix one i made, with cky, orgy, dope, kmfdm, marilyn manson, flaw, and in flames on it.  i want to cut my hair again soon, as it's growing out.  yay for short, sometimes spiky, hair.

i was just driving aimlessly today and i began to think.  i don't remember what i thought about, really, but it was multiples of just random thoughts about anything and everything.  most of all, though, i thought about just leaving this place behind.  i knew my parents were gone for a little while, and you have no idea how tempted i was to swing back home, load as much crap of mine as i could into my dinky little chevy, and just take off.  who knows where, maybe canada, or new york (state, not city), or somewhere else entirely.  just away from here.  the year after this will rock, as i'll be in an actual university, not a community college, and thus living on my own.

my taste in music is changing.  too bad i don't have enough money to buy all the cds i want... i'm looking into more stuff by liz phair, the talking heads, david byrne, wilco, velvet underground, more by radiohead...  i wonder what a person's taste in music says about them.  i wonder what people would read into the fact that i just purchased "exile in guyville", a man-bashing classic album.  the music i'm starting to listen to is more indie, more art-rock, more - different.  right now i'm listening to the smashing pumpkins.

i want to learn how to ride a motorcycle.  dad could teach me... if only he still had his.  ah well... i could always buy one, right?

please excuse the mess while the site is being uploaded.  it's been renovated to the "fire and ice" layout.  so yeah... the last layout reminded me too much of the beautifulgarbage album.

while waiting to hear back from josh, i made a run into town and purchased exile in guyville by liz phair.  this cd owns.
blah, so i'm just sitting here, listening to "fuck and run" and wondering what to do.  josh and i were going to do something, but he had to talk to steph, so... yeah.  that probably cancels out our plans tonight.  val and i went out for breakfast, saw mr. lightner.  that was a bit uncomfortable, having him right by us, while val and i discussed certain matters.  i need to remember to email jake one of these days, or call him, oder etwas.  he wants to get together and do something.

sometimes a blog is a horrible thing.  you write things, you later regret them, but you can't remove it, for then you compromise yourself.  and now blayne told me, "I don't think I'm going to read your blog anymore. For several reasons, really."  i'm sorry, blayne.  i'm sorry, travis...

i need to get out of this town.  asap.

blayne's car reeks.  it's no longer just the quasi-offensive smell of decomposing fast food, it now smells like manure.  speaking of blayne's thunderbird, as we pulled into a parking lot, i opened the door, not seeing the car next to us pulling up.  as they rolled to a stop, i hit their car with my door.  the people laughed.  i gaped, then starting to laugh, horribly embarassed.  i still feel bad, even though there was no damage to either car.

i'm just as stubborn as you are, travis.  i warned you that we would end in a stalemate.  not only am i freaking sunburned, but i am as pissed as hell.  this is perhaps the angriest i can ever recall being.  and, travis, it's your fault.  you know what, i'm not the illogical one.  you, my friend, are the illogical one.  it will be my pleasure to list the various reasons why:

travis: and what about josh?
phoenix: it doesn't matter.
travis: he spent the night!
phoenix: you know we're friends.
travis: i thought you didn't like him.
phoenix: what?  no.
travis: oh, so you only don't like him when he's clothed.

i saw a woman at jenni's til wearing a mtytya t-shirt.  i was excited.  right, i know that i have class tomorrow, but i keep shoving that thought to the back of my mind.  i should probably attempt to get some sleep tonight, since we have a quiz.  ah crap, i didn't study for that...  i feel so awful for jim.  jim's a sweetheart, and deserves better than megan.  she can be so cruel to him.  jim was supposed to pick her up at kyle's house (long story) but, surprise!  they weren't there, and megan wouldn't pick up her phone.  jim was pretty pissed, and as i sat outside with him (on company time - ah well) he told me she was a "fucking inconsiderate bitch."  ouch.  well, she finally showed up, and i went back inside.  jim came back a few hours later, looking pretty down.  i went outside with him again, and he told me about how they fought.  awwww, poor jim.  i'm not sure whether it would be better if they broke up or got back together.  i just want poor jim to be happy.  donna was pretty pissy tonight, also.  i was doing garbages, and i handed her a garbage bag to put in her garbage.  well, for some reason, that irritated her.  "you can do it." she told me.  i looked at her, and sighed just a little.  i had other stuff to do, like bag the freaking $200 cartload.  but no.  she was obviously too busy standing around like a cow to put a garbage bag in the garbage.  so i walked behind the till to do it, but she had dropped some papers in the garbage, too lazy to wait for the bag.  she made me fish out the papers, because, once again, she was too lazy to do it herself.  no wonder she can't lose weight... she ate five candy bars tonight.  and she wonders why she can't seem to shake those 30-odd pounds...

val and i were discussing travis and... speaking of, that reminds me.  advice from most everyone right now is unwanted.  val understands the situations, and she is able to give advice.  only she.  i don't care what everyone else says, as no one else fully understands.  especially donna.  i swear, i get so pissed off when she tells me what i should or should not do.  she doesn't even know what's going on - but she thinks she does.  i tell val everything, donna only learns what she overhears.

val is going to have a party at her apartment before she moves out.  we wanted to do it this friday or saturday, but josh said no, since one of his friends can't be there either day.  well, we're having it next week then.  we're going to have this party before she moves, whether or not josh's friends can make it.

there's nothing quite like watching the chief of police yell at someone - while standing at your till.  some guy came in and bitched about the prices, saying our town is the "rip-off capital of the world".  well, forsberg was none too happy about that, and loudly voiced his opinions.  he even walked up to the man and told him to go home if he didn't like the prices; we don't need his kind here anyway.

so, i guess rhonda whined to val about me again.  what a surprise.  rhonda hates me so much, it's funny.  anyway.  i work with jenni and donna tonight.  bah.  it's gonna suck tonight.  ah, i finally got around to doing my homework - which is due tomorrow.  yay for me.  um, how long can a person survive on liquids alone?  i'm starting to hate food.

i'm eating, but i'm none too happy about it.  i was starting to feel sick (i ate a kiwi and a banana today) and i remembered puking in shawn's toilet, so i decided perhaps it was best to eat something.  throwing up is not really too pleasant.

val, i love you so much.  you are truly the best friend a person could ever have.  thank you.

'everything is somehow my fault'.  i wonder if that attitude of mine is somehow shaped by my catholic upbringing?  anyway.  kathy is staying with us, and i wonder how long that's gonna be.  not that i don't like kathy - i like her moreso than anyone else on my mom's side of the family.  i guess as soon as the divorce is finalized, she's moving up here, with her son.  her daughter may or may not live with her.  sigh.  we moved up here, partly, so we wouldn't be surrounded by her family.  and now - her parents live up here, two (or three...) brothers, and now kathy.

i checked every place in town that sells cds.  for some reason, no one carries anything by orgy.  how bizarre is that?

Swallow purple terror candy
Don't forget to breathe
Sickened by the wanting
And drowning from the need
This dichromatic vision
Of one who does not care
To sipping cocktail sedatives
Two months to hide somewhere
Butterflies, butterflies
Cut the stomach out and
Hand it over
Butterflies, butterflies
My heart will be
The bridge that
You walk over

The wolf has
Caught the chicken
And now I feel unsteady
Emotions on the blink again
So kick me
When you're ready
Here lies a violet coffin
The death of my control
Along with all my skeletons
They put them in a hole

Sickened by the notion
I give myself again
Choking on the bullet
The gun that's found a friend
So raise your glass to sorrow
And drink to all the pain
Tie a silver ribbon around
The pieces that remain

Butterflies, butterflies
Cut the stomach out and
Hand it over
Butterflies, butterflies
My heart will
Be the bridge that
You walk over

--"butterflies", natalie imbruglia

i can't remember ever feeling this alone.  i don't know why i feel like this, but i feel as if my world is crumbling in, and i have just lost everything, and i have no one.  i am all alone, lost, confused, longing, lonely...  like always, it seems.  sometimes, i catch myself staring just a bit too long and hard at the razor.  i need to ask travis about yesterday, if and what it meant.  if anything.  i'm just too scared - after all, if i don't hear the answer i want to hear, i'll be crushed.  again.

the more i think about yesterday, the less i understand.  i wish i had the power to read minds.  travis was so sweet to me all of last night.  we even kissed (much to my surprise).  but what i want to know is - does that mean anything at all?  was that a conscious, willing act of his, or was it more a product of the drinks than his own free mind?

blayne was pretty useless by the time i left.  he was both drunk and high.  gah, pot smells so awful:  like burning mold.  this is pretty much the first time i've seen blayne drunk (barring that one time at jesse's) and it was, well, interesting, to say the least.  i want my parents to leave for four days!  i hope they do it relatively soon.  oder etwas.  wow, i only got four and a half hours of sleep and i feel great now.

oh, last night sometime blayne grabbed my ankle and held on.  this wasn't good, considering my pants were really loose.  shawn grabbed my other ankle, which prevented my pants from falling off, but ended up with me almost doing the splits.  i don't know, i thought it was funny - but maybe you just had to be there, oder etwas.

this was perhaps the most surreal night of my life.  i don't even know where to begin about the whole night.  i had my first few sips of an alcoholic beverage...  a whopping three sips, but hey.  i had to drive home... plus i didn't feel well.  i threw up in shawn's bathroom.  ultimatly, there is one or two things i'm not going to post in here that happened because it would just be, well, awkward.  travis was much nicer to me this evening than he has been for a long while.  one of two things that caught me off-guard was the fact that he called me, "dear".  not even when we were dating did he do that.  basically, i'm not sure what to think of this night.  all the crap that happened, does any of it mean anything?  it was weird seeing blayne both drunk, and smoking pot.  he was very, um, unconcerned with the term 'personal space'.  i'm not complaining, it was just... yeah.  he kept telling me to take a shot of rumple.  even if i desired to (which i don't), travis wouldn't allow it:  "one shot would really fuck her over!"  right.  time to go to bed... i'm so tired.  hrm... actually, my parents are leaving for four days, but i'm not sure when.  i'll have to let travis and blayne know when they leave...

holy massive sleep deprivation.  josh and i rented a movie last night, and we both fell asleep watching it.  well, i woke up after it was over, and woke josh, telling him we both fell asleep and it was over.  as i brought the pizza downstairs, right before he fell back asleep, i let him know that if he was too tired to drive, he could spend the night.  and so he did.  i don't want to work tonight, i just want to go back to sleep.  ugh.  but actually - i still want to something tonight (stupid phoenix).  so, if anyone is willing to do anything with a horribly sleep-deprived phoenix, stop into the store (before 4) or give me a call after 6:30 (hint, hint).

"you should learn to drive a stick."  "i would - but there's a slight problem, as none of our vehicles are sticks."  "mine is."  now that i think about it, i'm actually half-tempted to take him up on that...  i can't imagine he would let me drive his thunderbird, though.

i am currently reading two books, "the dark side of freemasonry" and "the illuminatus! trilogy".  the latter is, in a fictional sense, about the illuminati.  on page 13 of the freemasonry book, guess what word jumped out at me?  illumanti.

i want to do something today, after work.  i wonder what blayne is doing?  i'd ask val, but she has to get up at eight, so that's a no-go then.

i had a bizarre dream last night.  i'm not going into details, because i'm really not in the mood to type, but here goes:  i was craving a wine cooler, so we drove up to canada so that i could legally buy some.  well, i brought them up to the counter, but just before the guy asked to see my i.d. i told him i'd be back (i chickened out).  so blayne went in instead.  he grabbed a wine cooler, but i guess it was some special one, and the guy freaked and chased him out.  however, blayne was still clutching it, so, hey!  free wine cooler.  well, we ended up going to some apartment where i got drunk on the wine cooler and bacardi and more.  blayne and travis were also smashed.  then, out of nowhere, jme appeared.  i was estactic, because i haven't talked to her for over a year.  she tried to convince the guys that we were lesbians (and failed) then eventually left.  i think that's when i woke up - i don't fully remember anything after that.

blah, what a bipolar day it's been.  i went for a two mile hike in the rain, which actually was fun.  i could have easily walked three times that distance... the rain was great, but i was freezing by the time we got back to the van.  now, last wednesday, travis didn't speak to me.  so today, a woman asked me, "are you two done fighting now?"  "we, um, weren't fighting..."  "oh, but it looked like it!  the whole class was like, oh no!  they're fighting!"  well, i just laughed; after all, it's funny.  i noticed travis was quiet for a few minutes after that, and when we were alone, he bitterly muttered, "if we fight it's none of their business.  but what really pisses me off is that they think we're together."  that's what got me.  what, are you so hyper-sensitive it kills you to have other people possibly think that you and i may be dating?  what does it matter what they think?  i personally don't care if anyone else thinks that travis and i are dating.  same with any of my guy friends.  i mean, c'mon, i've had numerous people ask me if blayne and i are dating.  do i get pissed?  of course not.

my cell jolted me out of sleep at about 11:45.  i answered, and travis told me, "be in town in 10 minutes.  i'm going to brainerd and you're coming with me."  oh, well, okay then.  i got dressed (no time for a shower - ugh) and headed out the door as quickly as i could.  it took 20 minutes, though, and i guess travis was getting impatient, because he called me when i was on the highway:  "what happened?  did you die?"  i pulled into my work's parking lot, and katrina threw her body against my car to say hi.  i blinked, confused, vaguely nervous, said hi, then stumbled into travis' vibe, still half asleep.  we ran to mills, so travis could confirm that he would be in on wednesday to get his moonroof fixed.  that took all of about two minutes.  walking out the door, he turned and grinned, saying "that's actually all i had to do in brainerd.  i just wanted to get your ass out of bed."  oh...  so then we made a quick run to walmart so that he could pick up some little strawberry scented air fresheners for the vibe.  a quick run to mcdonalds so that he could finally get that fish filet he's been craving for weeks, and then back home.  off to work for him, and i have to work relativly soon, too.

last night was pretty odd.  however, i don't feel like blogging it.  not all of it, anyway.  maybe later.  anyway, today megan, jim, and i went down to kyle's, where we watched they.  i don't recommend it at all; a horrible movie, but at least all the idiots in the movie got weeded out.  that's a plus, i guess.

i was thinking about why i don't do drugs or drink.  the main reason i can come up with is my addictive, obsessive personality.  i can get quite easily addicted or obessed with something.  and that could mean trouble with something like drugs or alchohol.  i remember a few years ago i wanted to try esctasy.  i did a crapload of research before hand, though, and decided against it:  the cons far outweighed the pros.  i also wanted to try weed, but knowing me and my personality - i don't think so.  as for drinking, alchoholism runs in the family, and right now, i'm not sure i want to get drunk.  who knows how i'd be?  all in all, though - i'm not the good little catholic girl everyone thinks i am, but neither am i a rebel.

it's sad, really, that one of the main things i've learned from living in this household is how to lie exceedingly well.  i'm not proud of this fact; rather, i regard it as a survival mechanism.  if it wasn't for lying, i would have no life and would be forced to sit at home, alone.  it's gotten to the point where i can easily juggle multiple lies, and remember them all.  it's for the best, or so i rationalize.  after all, how happy would my parents really be if they knew that last night i was at val's, where travis and blayne were getting drunk, and i walked over to val's by myself at 3 a.m.?  speaking of, i can only imagine how that looks:  two males, at three in the morning, running after a lone female walking the streets.  no wonder the cop followed.  they told me they hid behind the swim and fitness to escape from the cop's unwanted attention.  i didn't know this until i got back to the apartment and the guys came running around a corner behind me.  i thought they had just let me go off and walk through town, all by myself.  needless to say, during the short walk back to val's, i was feeling pretty hostile and bitter towards those two.  those feelings faded pretty rapidly, though, when they told me they came after me.

i wish that i could 'reinvent' myself.  i want to start a new life, just pack up a few of my posessions into my car and take off for who knows where.  maybe canada, maybe seattle, who knows.  the only thing is, would a new life be any better?  i know that i would miss some people here, and that would be horribly hard to deal with.  on the other hand, it's a fun thing to dream about.

last blog of the night, i swear.  type 'weapons mass destruction' in google, then hit the 'im feeling lucky' button.  i laughed so hard...  or, if you're too lazy to do that, just click here to see what the result is.

okay, i need to vent.  this is so asinine.  goose's band, friendly contribution, participated in the battle of the bands, and emerged with a score of 77/100.  they suck.  their lyrics are far from polished, their voices do not harmonize well, and... they just flat out suck!  so how did they get 77?  and - the local paper even gave them a few sentences:

Brainerd/Pequot Lakes three-piece Friendly Contribution, a band that classifies itself as "happy punk," also made an impression with a couple well written originals, although vocalist Melanie Hammer apologized to the crowd for being a bit ill.

happy punk?  holy... think bad-blink 182-wannabes.  "well written origionals"?  have you listened to the lyrics?  one song is about puking at a party and being called a whore!

i did a little rearranging of the quotes section.  now, dave barry, jack handey, george orwell, and friedrich nietzsche all have their own quotes page.  yay for nietzsche.

the gd is getting interesting again.  and when i say interesting, i mean controversial.  the two largest threads are those dealing with pot and gay marriages.  of course, the one involving gays branches quickly into religion, and well - just watch the tempers flare there.  granted, i'm guilty of getting heavily involved in these 'discussions'.  i am all for the legalization of pot (for medicinal reasons, at the very least) and gay marriage.  there's an arguement about whether or not a person chooses to be gay.  i guess i just don't understand some of the logic behind these people's arguements.  one said that saying someone is born gay is like saying they were born vegetarian.  i'm sure.  being gay is not a lifestyle choice, it is something that you are born with.  with that, you get those anal christians that feel that only their branch of christianity is correct and everyone else will rot forever in hell.  especially gays.  the gd is starting to get quite openly hostile, as someone posted: "you claim homos are entitled to their "rights" to be married & fuck each other up the ass every night".  hrm.  that was oh-so-gently put.  of course, the 'christians' come out in full force, and bash all other religions.  especially, for some reason yet unknown, catholics.  they hate us with a vengeance and i don't understand why.  they claim, falsly, that catholics are mary-worshippers, that we're pagans, that we're not christian.  good thing i'm not gay, they'd really tear me apart then, wouldn't they?  so, if the basis of christianity is (according to their words and actions) a hatred of others different than themselves, zero tolerance, and if they insist catholics are not christian, well - i'm glad i'm not a christian then, if that's what it is.  christianity = hatred, i guess.

i have to figure out what to do today, now.  i forced myself to go to sleep at nine, and finally decided to just get up around two.  i had recieved a barrage of phone calls, and decided to say screw sleep, and just stay up.  after i got up, i wandered back down to the coffee shop.  and now... i have nothing to do.  oh, jenny doesn't like travis, doesn't want to date him... ha.

so i got home around 5:30 am.  quite the night, and no need to tell the parents about this.  i have a throbbing headache above one eye, i'm hearing things, and i have no idea where the dog has run off to.  but that's okay.  i'm going to go get coffee at 7, and bs with steph for a bit.  where to even begin...  oh, i punched blayne twice.  fun, fun.  one was a gut punch and the other was square in the diaphram.  erm, well, let's make this a semi-coherant blog.  i'll attempt to start at the beginning.  work was... work.  some woman told me i had beautiful eyebrows, which i think is kind of a strange compliment.  then there was this strange little man with a strange little mustache.  he asked, "it's phoenix, right?"  "yes", i replied, with a cashier-smile.  then, "so how'd you get stuck here?"  what, is that some weird form of what's a girl like you doing in a place like this?  at any rate, i replied, "either bad luck or bad karma."  he was a creepy man, and he kept calling me hon.  rhonda is insanely pissed at me yet again.  she overheard ivan and i talking, and later asked why i was giving up my friday nights.  obviously, i couldn't tell her the truth, so i gave a half-truth:  "i just don't want to work fridays anymore."  her lip curled in disgust (she already hates it that i don't work weekends) and she responded, "but you've only worked a few so far."  i shrugged.  she then left and angrily muttered to donna in the back, "must be nice to pick your days."  yeah.  it is, rhonda.  blayne stopped in, so after work i ran home to change then meandered over to cascade.  when i got there tyler was already there.  we chatted for a bit, then wandered outside where we talked for over an hour.  about cars, bah.  anyway, someway or another, we decided to head off to wal-mart, arriving sometime around 12:30.  we walked around, occasionally blayne and i moving off just slightly when tyler was being too... tyler.  so it's 1 in the morning, and we're back in town.  we stop at s.a. to harass andy.  we only stay a little while, then off we go for a cruise.  back to s.a. after that.  i think that was roughly 3 a.m.  almost all of that is a blur.  some cops came, joked around with tyler and andy.  we went outside.  they called me brit, i punched blayne, as mentioned above.  the guys joked around, and i laughed so hard, almost peeing my pants.  unfortunatly, now that i got home, i'm slowly running out of energy.  i'm going to make a pizza, take a shower, then head over to the coffee shop, i think.

i wanted to go for a run, but there is no way that i am running around in 80^o weather.  that's just being stupid and asking for pain.  my parents are gone again for a few days, and i'm enjoying the sensation of having the house just to myself.  sometime in the next month or so, they're gonna be gone for four days.  that's going to be so nice... so long as i have something to do.  i should actually be getting ready for work right now, but - screw it.  at the very least, i hope that we are uber-busy, because otherwise i don't know how i'll stand it.  granted, i'll despise the customers, but that's preferable to it being dead and having to deal with my coworkers.  i work with not only rhonda and donna tonight, but jenni also.  please, god, just smite me now.  ah well, it's only six hours of hell.  i can deal with that - right?  i don't know wha ti am going to do tonight.  i don't want to be home.  i'd see what val is doing, but she has no phone, and i don't want to just walk up and knock on her apartment door.  so maybe i'll content myself with a midnight run, or something to that effect.

happy freaking fourth of july, by the way.  the fireworks rocked this year, and it seemed that they were right above us.  actually, one landed two feet away from eric.  anyway, tonight they plastered our cars with idiotic little things that told us we could work at home for blah blah blah.  i looked at the url, and it was freedom(something).com.  "it's freaking patriotic, too!  well, screw that!"  i exclaimed.  val just laughed, and a customer just stared at me.  but that stuff pisses me off, and i'm not sure why.  especially those red, white, and blue crosses that say "god bless america".  gah...

do you ever get in a mood where you want to listen to everything at the same time?  i want to listen to all my songs that i have, and yet - once i start playing one, i play it over and over and over.  it's a weird mood, but i like it.  at least it keeps me from being like, hey, life sucks.  i want to die.

somedays, i feel like my loyalties are being torn.  i don't know how to explain what i mean, unfortunatly.  um.  work was insanely busy, and the new bagboy is a complete and utter idiot.  he has no idea how to bag and can't seem to learn, either.  val and i already are harbouring a strong dislike for that boy.  so, anyway, i found out the name of the customer that pissed jesse off so.  heh...  after work, val and i meandered off to her apartment to watch the fireworks.  jess, eric, and josh came in later, totally smashed out of their minds.  jess then asked val to go buy them some pop, for their bacardi... right.  so val and i made a trip all the way into nisswa to buy sprite for three drunkards.  oder etwas.  gah, maybe i'm just anal, but donna's speech bothers me.  she says "warsh" and "learn him how to bag" (instead of teach), "ain't", and "i'll borrow you that".  why is it that so many people use the word `borrow` instead of `loan`?  they are two words with seperate meanings, people!  learn your language!

oh, one last thing:  the evidence that phoenix has no life is more-or-less complete right now.

holy lightning.  hrm, that's a bit of an understatement, actually.  it stormed horribly here; we've gotten two inches of rain at last count.  the power went out a few times, shutting my computer off for me ("did you turn your computer off?"  "...it is, now...").  there were tornado warnings, also, and mom worried as usual.  i wanted to go outside but she refused, on the grounds that on some off-chance, i may get hit by lightning.  right.  class was a bit odd today, since not only did i drive myself, travis and i didn't speak to each other.  i'm not happy with that...  i don't know if he is angry with me, or work stuff, or the crap about breaking up team rif.  holy crap.  i think there's another storm cell on the way.  i'm going to have to shut down.  properly, this time.  on a miscellaneous note, i went clothes shopping today.  i ended up getting another black shirt, as well as two pairs of olive-colored pants.  the best part is, my parents are going to pay me back, which i wasn't expecting.

i got back from jesse's just a little bit ago.  i left shortly after judd (and his bar in a bag) came over.  i'm not too fond of him... but anyway.  i followed blayne out there, and when we got there, it was just jesse and jessica.  judd came over after about an hour or so, and zippy and her half-brother would be there later.  i came back because i told myself that i needed to study for the geology exam.  but of course, am i studying?  no, no no.  i possess no motivation whatsoever to do that.  besides, i'd be the odd man out if i stayed there much longer.  they were all going to be drinking, and doing weed... which i don't do.  so i'd feel a bit awkward and out of place, then.  i remember feeling awkward before when i was at jesse's and i was the only one not drinking.

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