honestly, it better be a hoax.  i believe it is, travis disagrees.  i guess we'll find out who's right soon, eh?

it boggles the mind.  why would anybody clone a human being?  i believe one of the raelians thought cloning was good, that it would enable them to achieve immortality.  still - i don't know, i guess i just don't understand how anyone could think that cloning a human being is all right.  then again, i don't even feel that cloning other animals is okay for us to do.  i don't believe humanity should be playing god.

five hours in the car.  holy, that was a long drive.  it was worth it, though.  i really like his family.  the drive there was faily uneventful, save for the make-up woman and the woman in the dented teal car.  i just don't understand why anyone would put make-up on in the car.  we were sitting at the stoplights just out of town, when a gold-ish colored minivan pulled up alongside us/  the driver, a woman, was putting on blush, mascara, lipstick... maybe more, i didn't catch it all.  she was a scary driver; she passed us going, like, 85 m.p.h.  then of course we'd pass her, and she'd catch up and so goes the cycle.  then there was the woman with the car with a dent in the back side door.  it's no surprise how that happened:  travis' car pulled up to just about that spot when she suddenly decided to swerve into our lane, without putting her blinker on or anything.  travis hit the brakes, and the cars behind us swerved.  she was exceedingly close to hitting us.

funny how quickly moods shift, eh?  i'm in a much better mood right now.  and now tomorrow, i'm going to travis' ... sister's(?) ... house in the cities, for their christmas.  so let's see:  christmas eve, travis went with to my grandparents.  christmas, i went over to his place.  for their christmas (when they open presents, i guess), i'm going over.  this amazes megan.  she and jim didn't get together for even thanksgiving.  and they've been dating, what?  10 months or so?  something like that.

funny, i think i sort of figured out why i was in an odd mood for much of the day.  i didn't get to see travis - but now he's coming over as soon as work gets out, then tomorrow... whoa, that's going to be a long day.  and a five hour drive total.  holy . . .

red letter days
8:54 PM 12/27/2002

on your mark
get set let's go
you got to move now
before she explodes

do you ever have those days when you feel much, much older than you really are?  perhaps it has something to do with the music i've had going:  red letter days, the wallflowers' newest album.  it's funny how much dylan sounds like his father.

anyway.  i hate days like this, introspective days when i have nothing to do, no one to hold my attention.  i don't feel like talking.  well, maybe i do.  but it depends on the person.  i'm babbling, not making any sense.  i honestly don't know what to do with myself right now.  i wish my boyfriend wasn't working.  then maybe i could give him a call . . . maybe when he gets off?  i don't know.  i suppose right now i could try and get my scanner to work.  or not.  i tried already today, and i gave up.  it bothers me; the entire software is anti-helpful.  i can't figure out how to install the stupid thing.

the wedding is in a few days.  maybe that's contributing to my weird mood.  i don't know why it would, but hey, you never know.  i'm cold.  i'm always cold, though.  maybe because i'm a vegetarian, my body is low in some vital... something or other.  whatever.  i don't care.

ralph lauren perfume and a tool set
11:21 PM 12/26/2002

how'd everyone's holiday go?  christmas really didn't feel like christmas this year, for me or for my friends.  odd how it is that when one gets older, holidays lose their thrill.  anyway, at least it was interesting.  christmas eve, travis went with to my grandparents for dinner.  we ended up celine-dioning it outta there as soon as possible, however.  then christmas day, i went over to his place.  i'm pretty proud of one of the gifts i got him:  a year's subscription to national geographic.  he got me a cd, gift certificate, and a bottle of perfume.  gifts from my parents were rather odd this year:  a tool set (for my dorm room...), ice-cream scoop (?), leopard-print pajamas... but i also got a scanner and a new webcam.  so yay.

i have two lines running through my head over and over, and i have not a clue why:
my body aches to breath your breath / your words keep me alive

mind the gap
3:50 PM 12/21/2002

i downloaded a .wav file of a voice saying "mind the gap", from the london underground.  so now when i start up my computer, i hear a brit telling me to 'mind the gap'.  ...maybe i need to find more productive uses of my time...

anyway, my whole sense of time is getting slightly skewed now, and i haven't even been on break for very long.  last night i went to bed at 4:30 a.m.  and actally, i wasn't even tired; i just thought that i had better go to bed.  i ended up getting up at 10:30 a.m., so that's not bad.  but i was talking about how jon was getting married, how he and his fiancé dated for not even a year before he proposed.  i just thought that seemed a little odd, since one always hears about people dating for, say, seven years before getting married.  my whole theory on this, however, is that by two years, you should either get married or break up.  after that, you're just wasting your time, and the other person's time.  one should know by then if the two of you would be compatible.  i found out last night that my dad proposed to my mom after they dated for only six months.  wow.

i don't know, i guess to me that seems so romantic.  as long as you're sure, well, great.  like i said before, i don't see why a person would date someone for how many years.  if you're dating someone for five years, you're just wasting your time.  either marry or break up.  but i'm repeating myself.

i just hope for jon's sake that his marriage lasts.  he's younger than i am by a few months - when he gets married, he'll have been 18 for just about a month and a half.  oder etwas.

permanent marker tattoos
9:55 PM 12/20/2002

yeah, we got a bit bored at the coffee shop today.  i was playing with a permanent marker, and wanted to draw on something.  jim was handy, so i asked if i could draw on him.  only if he could draw on me.  so i said okay, and i drew a cartoon jim on his arm.  then it was my turn to get a pen tattoo.  he sat and thought for a moment, then started to draw a coffee mug on my arm.  the weird thing above it is steam, and next to the arrow is the word "coffee".  underneath his artwork, he signed his name.

hrm, i wonder if travis is coming over tonight...  speaking of, i finally got my photos developed.  i must remember to scan those in.  there's a hilarious one of each of my parents, then two all right pictures of megan and steph all dressed up for christmas ball.  then three pictures of travis, one of which is with the cat, so you can't see his face.  that reminds me:  yesterday when travis came over, i watched him sit in my driveway for a few minutes.  i couldn't figure out why he was just sitting there.  after a minute or two, my cell rang.  "i'm in your driveway right now."  "i know.  i'm watching you out my window," i said, waving.  that was just slightly strange - i'm still not totally sure why he did that.  but ah well, he's travis.  that should explain everything.  ;-)

i'm an open book . . . with the pages torn loose
12:06 PM 12/17/2002

it feels like a saturday, even though it's actually a tuesday.  probably because i don't have class today, eh?  yeah, that would explain it.  i don't understand; why is it that i can write better than i speak?  i mean, don't get me wrong, this isn't world-class prose, but at least it's semi-coherent.  anyway, i was thinking about this blog today.  basically, it's my second journal.  an open journal.  if anyone read my 'real' journal, i would kill them.  and why do i have this blog?  i don't know, narcissism?

talking to travis yesterday, he mentioned his comp. final.  i guess part of the assignment was to write about three goals you have for the next five years.  that got me thinking, so, in no particular order, here are my three goals for the next five years:

get my bachelor's

get married

have my own house
so they're not that exciting.  who cares.  i'm sure if pressed i could think of more interesting ones, like dissect an alien life form, but then again, i'm not too into biology.

i can't wait to get my hair chopped.  not drastically, like i did before.  but i am getting it cut to about chin-length...

it's funny when you're thinking of someone, and then they appear or call you or something... isn't it?  yesterday i was driving to class, my mind wandering, and i started to think about travis.  a few seconds later, my cell begins to ring.  i'm like, why is anyone calling me at 8:30 in the morning?  so i grab the phone and check caller i.d.  it's travis.  we talk for a few minutes, and about half-way through the conversation, he says, "anyway, i just called to say good morning."  i just thought that was cute...

sarah mclachan and you
2:06 PM 12/13/2002

well, yay for phoenix.  i got an 'a' on my voice final.  the song?  "possession" by sarah mclachan.  it's a great song, with clever lyrics and a good range for my voice (i'm an alto).  i actually only had to sing this half of it, though:

listen as the wind blows
from across the great divide
voices trapped in yearning
mem'ries trapped in time

the night is my companion
and solitude my guide
would i spend forever here
and not be satisfied?

and i would be the one
to hold you down, kiss you so hard
i'll take your breath away
and after i'd wipe away the tears
just close your eyes, dear

through this world i've stumbled
so many times betrayed
tryin' to find an honest word
to find the truth enslaved

oh, you speak to me in riddles
and you speak to me in rhyme
my body aches to breath your breath
your words keep me alive

and i would be the one
to hold you down, kiss you so hard
i'll take your breath away
and after i'd wipe away the tears
just close your eyes, dear

wish i could write like that.  off topic:  a funeral on friday the 13^th for vinnie.  how... i don't know, morbid?  ironic?

got stress?
7:06 PM 12/10/2002

argh!  i feel like i am slowly going insane.  not that that's a new sensation, but... i need to get my solo memorized, which is due thursday.  am i ready?  ha ha no.  and i need to get my scene and my monologue memorized, also.  plus i have to write a paper on alt.rock.  i want coffee.  and i'm ready to just plop down on my bed and rot my brain watching a chick flick.  yay for chick flicks.  i'm still amazed that travis actually likes those kinds of movies.  how many other guys would actually suggest watching a movie like kate & leopold or serendipidy?  not that i'm complaining; i'm quite happy about that.

it's just been a strange day.  when you live in a small town, you kind of end up knowing pretty much everyone, at least superficially.  and so you know all those people that die.  and that's just strange.  and depressing.  a guy in the grade above me, an 18-year-old by the name of vinnie, died last night in a car accident just off of my road.  he went to my church.  and... i don't know, it seems like a lot of people i know have been dying lately.  a neighbor died of cancer recently, then the cop who committed suicide, and... i don't know.

i'm ready to get out of this town.  don't get me wrong, i love it here.  i really do.  thing is, some days i just really want to get away from some of these people.  i don't know what it is.  maybe it's just because they remind me of... i don't know.  it's just one of those days.

i'm just stressed.  maybe i need another cherry mocha (mm!).  i went out to lunch today, forgetting that i was supposed to meet my acting partner.  oops.  when i finally got back to the college, i was half-an-hour late.  problem was, she wasn't there.  so i ran around looking for her.  i could not find her anywhere.  so i slowly shuffled back to the theatre.  she finally showed up there, but it was too late:  we had no time to practice our scene.  so when we had to do it, we basically winged all the blocking.  i guess it wasn't too bad...  sigh.  now if i could just do my solo...

dead beaver smile! . . . or not.
2:06 PM 12/6/2002

yay for pictures.  i ran to the school today to finally get my picture taken for the senior hall of fame thingie.  what'd i get in for?  computer genious.  huh...  anyway, i got my picture taken with blayne, who got the guy's side of the computer genious catagory.  i don't think the photo turned out the great, but then again, i haven't seen it, so i guess i can't really say.

as i was slowly blinding myself by staring at the rope lights last night while laying in bed, i got to thinking.  i've noticed that most people seem to get by in conversations by using just a few different phrases.  like, i use "that it is", "but yeah", "how goes it", "yay for (fill in the blank)", "bah", and "but of course".  i've infected pretty much everyone i talk to with the "that it is".  megan says it, ryan, steph, lindsey, goose, phil... speaking of, he's coming up tonight.  i wonder if i'll even see him this weekend.  do i honestly want to, though?  when i saw him... last friday... he didn't even say hi to me, even when i said hi first.  he's been acting kind of strange lately.   but i digress.  megan says "that's the truth" and "that'd be ghetto" pretty often. as for travis?  "rar", "dot com", "i'm sure", "moo", "i'll bet".

speech really is a strange thing.  i mean, look how people pronounce different words.  i saw wahsh, donna says warsh.  i pronounce printer as "prinner".  then there are all the strange, different phrases one uses in daily life.  for example, megan and i (and only megan and i) say "dead beaver".  it's a good thing to be looking dead beaver, smelling dead beaver, what have you.  however, i'm pretty sure someone else would not take it as a compliment if one of us told her she looked "very dead beaver today".

new computer!
3:03 PM 12/4/2002

i just got a new computer on friday; i'm so excited.  i'd post a picture, but i don't have the webcam or digital camera software installed as of yet.  it's really nice though.  flat screen monitor... oh, yeah.  the speakers are the funniest thing.  they're little spheres, i just think they're so cute.  but - i'm also $1500 poorer now.  but that's okay, this was so worth it.  and i'm so proud of myself - hooking the entire thing up myself!  who would have thought uncoordinated phoenix could do it?

yay for work tonight.  ah well, it shouldn't be too bad.  i don't mind who i'm working with.  funniest thing, my room looks like a college dorm room now.  above my bed i have some blue rope lights that travis gave me, and then my computer(!).

but... bah, i need to get ready for work.  sigh...

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